You know the answer! Bit cynical don’t you think?

If you know the answer, why bother unless you are trying to trap someone or test their honesty.

A good place to come from is curiosity. You ask because you want to learn. You ask because you don’t know the answer. Keep your mind blank while waiting for the answer. Stop thinking. Thinking is not necessary. If you are judging what you are hearing while you are hearing… you are not really listening. You are getting ahead. Stay fully aware but just stop thinking. There is time after the person has finished speaking.

Careful that you use open questions mostly if you want a flow of information. How, when, where, what, who and maybe why. Closed questions lead nowhere except to a yes or no. There is no flow.

Try these questions for practice. What can I do to support you more? How can I be a better manager/team leader? What can I do to improve morale? Where do you think we can improve? What do I need to do to be a better parent?

Don’t think while the person is answering. Just be aware of what they are saying. No judgement. No labels.

Can you think about not thinking? Probably not. Many of our body and mind functions are automatic. We don’t have to think about breathing or digesting. We might think about what we eat but the digesting is automatic. Tried controlling your breathing or holding your breath. It will go back to automatic very quickly. What about thoughts? Do we control the thoughts that enter our minds? I don’t. They just seem to enter as a continuous stream even when I am asleep.

So what is the best thing to do when your thoughts are not helpful? What to do when you catastrophise. Imagine you are about to give a talk and suddenly you feel panic because you think ‘What happens if my mind goes blank?’ What to do with this thought? The least helpful action would be to give the thought space to expand. You might try to get rid of the thought. ‘Go away!!’ It might.

I find the best strategy is to let thoughts drift by unless they are useful, in which case I let them in. If they are not useful, I let them continue to drift by and call them what they are – thoughts. Thoughts can’t hurt anyone… I sometimes say to myself ‘There’s that thought again’. It doesn’t like being identified as merely a thought.

Try it next time you get a useless or distracting thought. You don’t have to think all the time. Being aware is not the same as thinking. Sit quietly and watch your thoughts go by. It’s relaxing anyway.

Paddy Spruce

The essence of Ubuntu is ‘ I am what I am because of who we all are’.

Individuals are flawed and don’t really achieve much on their own. They achieve because of the support of others. Ubuntu in different guises is a philosophy that exists in many African countries. The name is slightly different. The concept the same. Look after visitors. Respect human life. Show empathy. Value dignity, compassion, humanness and respect.

We are part of a larger community. We have an obligation to contribute in proportion to our talent, resources, abilities. The community sustains us. We need to contribute in return. A workplace is a community in which this operates.

Christmas is a good time to acknowledge the support we receive from the entire community. Remember when we used to thank our postman, rubbish collectors, neighbours?

We recently had a call from a neighbour who noticed that we had left our garage door open overnight. They were concerned for our safety.

Nelson Mandela had this to say about Ubuntu….

‘A person with Ubuntu is open and available to others, affirming of others, is not threatened by the success of others, bases their self assurance on knowing that they are part of a greater whole that is built with others are praised, and diminished when others are ridiculed or not treated with respect’.

When presenting to an audience of any size, you have seconds to make an impression. A favourable impression means that they will classify your information as relevant and valuable. They will make impression very quickly. You may have not even started on the content. An unfavourable impression means that they will classify your information as useless even if it isn’t. This is an emotional judgement. It is lightning quick.

So, look your best, be well prepared, pause before starting to make sure you are composed. Look at the audience and start emotionally.

Ask them a question about themselves. Who has enough money in their superannuation? Who remembers the last time they were really happy? You will get an emotional response. Even better, start with a story. Instead of saying my name is…. and I work for…. etc.  Start with….. ‘It was a really warm day as I recall. The north wind was blowing very hot. I could smell smoke…..’ You will have them in your hand instead of in your head.

Think of an unusual way to start your next presentation. Wait until you and they are ready and then wait another ten seconds. Every time you present to an audience you build on your presentation skills…. and your reputation.

I recently went to the mind/spirit exhibition and watch people queue to see psychics.

I suspect that many visit a psychic to get more certainty. It is very important to some people that they can be certain about some things.

If you ever get a hint that certainty is important to someone, make sure you respect this need. Reassure them that you will deliver what you promised. If you tell them you will call later in the day, make sure you do.

Imagine the effect of telling someone who liked certainty that you would personally deliver an important document or order on the same day… and you did. Some people like guarantees, assurances, promises. They seek certainty in a world where little is certain. It is probably a remnant of our very old brain.

So give people as much certainty as you control. Call them back. Send the email today. Give them what they need in an uncertain world.

Paddy

Confidence is important for presenters and speakers. Or is it?

Do you really have to be thinking ‘ I can do this’ or ‘this glass is half full’? What if you just got on with speaking or presenting without this internalising.

It’s going to be hard to do both so why not drop the idea of getting yourself feeling confident or positive and just focus on what is happening in the present moment.

Chesley Sullenberg, the pilot who landed his commercial jet in the Hudson River is quoted as saying that he believes in short term realism and long term optimism. It seems that he mostly works in the present. What do I do now? Rather than ‘we might all drown’?

As an alternative to optimism or confidence, do the preparation and remain in the present. If thoughts about a negative future intrude, let them leave the same way they go in. Calling them thoughts will steal all their power. Thoughts can’t hurt anyone.

Is style more important than content when speaking?

Do you think that a professional actor could deliver poor content and get rave reviews? Could a topic expert get poor reviews because of poor style?

Sure this is only one example but this actually happened to a professional actor. See the speech for yourself. Google The Fox Lecture. A professional actor was asked to deliver a meaningless speech at a psychiatrist / physician conference. He had one day to prepare and the speech was devoid of meaning. He got rave reviews and the audience went as far as saying what they had from the speech. Nothing was given but they took meaning from a speech designed to say nothing.

Once the audience were told that they had been duped they were wary. The next speaker was a legitimate speaker and a physician. The audience reacted negatively thinking they were being tricked again even though the content was relevant and potentially valuable.

The moral of this story is to learn to present like a polished actor. Use emphasis, gesture, pausation, passion and humour. If your content is relevant and well prepared, your chance of success is excellent. If your content relevant and well researched, poor delivery can render it useless. Finally, never, never follower a hoaxer.

Paddy Spruce

We have a fast brain and a slow brain. When we need to Influence or Negotiate, we will have a case to present.

Facts and Logic. A convincing argument. This is your slow brain.

The fast brain will decide very soon after you start speaking whether you are worth listening to or whether you are credible.

Imagine that you are doing a sales presentation or tendering for an important contract. You content will persuade them, providing they listen or believe you. They will decide to believe you based on their emotions and subtle cues from you. If they decide in a few seconds that you are credible or trustworthy then they will classify your content positively. You may even get away with mistakes.

The reverse is also true. If they decide they don’t trust you, there is no in point completing your presentation. Be honest and curious. Know it alls and tricksters won’t get past first base for the majority.