I hope I don’t mix my metaphor here but imagine that you are on a yacht and know exactly where you want to go… but there is no wind.  Or imagine that there is a strong wind and you don’t know where you want to go.

A lot is written about goals and little about values. In my metaphor, the goals are where you want to go and the wind is your motivation, your values. You can do your goals. You can achieve them and then move to other goals. Sometimes there is a pause between goals. You can’t achieve values.

You can’t achieve honesty and then move to another value. Values provide motivation forever. Values are the wind that fills your sails. Decide on your values before deciding on your goals.
Authenticity, Challenge, Honesty, Compassion, Generosity, Industry, Acceptance, Responsibility and Humility are just some important values that will provide life long motivation.

Specific and temporary direction will come from goals like:

* Improve your health by eating healthily
* Further your qualifications
* Earn more money
* Get a new car, house, computer

It’s back to front to set your goals in a values vacuum. The motivation will cease after the goal is achieved, if it is achieved at all. The values will provide the motivation in between goals and even provide direction without goals.

As for goals, we can just see what happens as a source of goals or create some of our own. We can identify what we want to achieve in 2011 and move to quantifiable goals. How will you measure improving health? Which qualification and by when?

How much more money in 2011?

Imagine that you have a family crest with three values written within the crest. What are they?  Why not share it here with me?

Have you noticed how unreliable your memory is when it comes to remembering how happy you were or how happy you might be in the future. Do you think that something will make you happy but find afterward that it wasn’t as rewarding as you predicted? Another car, a larger TV, a new relationship.

Firstly, we adapt quickly to most things so the effect doesn’t last as long as expected because we forget about the adaptation. ‘This will make me happy for a long time’. It won’t. ‘If I just lose five kilos”. Usually the anticipation is more about excitement. The actual effect of achieving can be less rewarding and not last as long as we thought and we keep forgetting this.  Did you really think that a new anything would bring lasting happiness?

The most reliable way of know what will bring you happiness is to speak to someone that has done what you intend to do or owns something that you intend to buy.  Most people discount this because ‘we are all different’.  We aren’t really.  Our ego wants us to be unique and very different from everyone else.  We aren’t.

Speak to someone who has done what you intend some months after they have done it and you will get a more accurate idea of what brings happiness. Most people think that they are above average at most things. Above average at driving, above average intelligence, above average looks. This can’t be right can it?

What is a wonderful gift that your friends would appreciate and would also help you to enjoy yourself and get rid of the financial crisis blues?

This miraculous gift is… the present.

Give yourself the present this Christmas.

If you live in the past or the future, try visiting the present. The financial crisis evaporates because nothing is happening to threaten your financial security… at this moment. Also if you have a problem with managing fear in interpersonal situations or speaking in public, then focusing on the present will stop you from creating more fear by projecting into the future, which is not happening.

Imagine that you are in a lift and it stops between floors. You could project into the future and imagine all sorts of dreadful consequences. Or you could visit the past and recall even more dreadful situations that have come from a stalled lift in the past. If you stay in the present, you are simply in a stalled lift. You can either stay with the present internally and keep track of your breathing or go external and focus on what is happening outside.

Read the instructions for a stalled lift or just count the tiles on the floor. Just stay in the present. You will only get anxious if you think about a negative future consequence.

There are lots of wonderful emotions available in the present. There are no emotions in the past or the future. You can only feel in the present. You can only think in the present. Even if something goes wrong for you, you simply accept the present situation and plan a way out without catastrophising.

So a gift for yourself this Christmas is to consciously stay in the present as much a possible.

Listen to others, enjoy your food, feel how you are feeling, see what you are seeing and don’t wander off into other worlds from the past or future. If you do wander, come back quickly.

Try taking off your watch so you can stay in the present without a constant reminder of what time it is. A gift for others is to give them your full attention without any thoughts about what they are saying. They will take your full and undivided attention as a compliment, a Christmas present. Your friends and family will notice the difference. If they don’t, you have lost the present.

I wish you a wonderful Christmas and my present to you is the present. Enjoy it. It’s all you’ve got.

Christmas Greetings

Christmas present, future, past, present, give yourself