I was recently interviewed on the radio on the topic of shaking hands. Several people ‘phoned in to ask about the rules. It seems the rules aren’t well known or don’t exist.

I remember meeting a senior manager once who didn’t accept my hand to shake when I held it out. I felt embarrassed. He later told me he had done this on purpose to put me offside and establish himself as being in control. If the purpose of hand shaking is to connect with someone and come across as trustworthy… he failed miserably.

Here the rules for starting out with the right hand… shake.

Make eye contact and smile if you can. At least relax your facial muscles.

Put out your right hand and leave it there.

Match the grip of the other person… exactly.

Shake up and down three times.

Let go last.

People often speak whilst shaking and say things like ‘Pleased to meet you’.

You really do get only one chance to make a first impression and a good handshake gets past most barriers. I’ll write again on what not to do. For the time being, practise matching the grip whilst keeping eye contact. If it helps, identify the colour of the person’s eyes while shaking their hand. Relationships make the world go round and getting started is a necessary skill. See how many hands you can shake today.

shaking hands, first impression, trustworthy

I was recently speaking at a conference and referred to the power or NO. I mentioned that an inability to say ‘NO’ took away the sincerity of a ‘Yes’.

One person attending the conference took me to task and declared that anyone working in the service of others should never say “No’.

I have reflected on this response and wonder what sort of life a person would create if they never said ‘No’ to a request from another. I suspect that it would a very stressed life with little time for priorities other than those decided by others. Assertiveness is an attitude and a very important influencing skill. We need to be able to identify what we want from others and have the confidence to ask. Others will do this with us and we need to be able to say ‘No’ because we are working on a bigger ‘Yes’.

Maybe a simple solution is to say ‘No’ to a request which takes you away from something that is important to your well being or success. If agree to drop what you are doing to meet someone else’s needs that you deny your own needs. We are saying ‘No’ because we are working on something more important. This something might be time spent at home, or finishing a job for someone else or having a restful lunch break.

It is a mistake to put other people’s needs before your own without considering the personal consequences. We do need to say ‘No’ occasionally because there is an important ‘Yes’ that relates to our effectiveness, balance, well being and ability to look after our needs.

I recently declined to do a large project because I knew that it would be very demanding with little assurance of a very satisfactory outcome. I felt good about saying ‘No’. I later heard from someone else that had accepted the project that it became a nightmare. I had said ‘Yes’ to continuing on presentations and projects that were less rushed and more rewarding. Keep ‘No’ in your box of influencing skills and be prepared to use it.

power of ‘no’, priorities, influencing skill,