Conflict is good

 

Imagine going to a meeting where everyone agreed with everyone else. Imagine someone staying silent whilst knowing that a course of action was dangerous or likely to fail.

Debate, presenting a different view and disagreeing are good for everyone providing it is done in a way that is respectful of people. It needs to be clear that the opposition is to the proposal and not the person making it. The objective is to develop the best strategy or seek the best ideas. Any resistance is not personal. A strong debate is meant to produce the best ideas or strategy for success.

If people take the resistance as personal, they are confusing who they are. They are defending their ideas as if they were their ideas. They are defending themselves instead of allowing open debate on what they are proposing. We are not our thoughts. We are the person having the thoughts. Opinions can improve with discussion and sometimes forceful debate.

Some people dislike opposition to their opinions as if their opinions were facts. They take the resistance as personal. They believe that they are always right. They are in the grip of their ego. They are more concerned with being right than finding the best solution or strategy. It make help to point out that you are simply debating their ideas. It may not help if their ego is heavily insulated.

A good technique for accepting resistance and accepting that conflict can be very useful is to pause when you feel attacked or know that you are taking the resistance to your opinions as a personal attack. Even a brief pause will create space for you to recognise that this resistance to your opinion is helpful. A better idea may emerge. It will no longer be your idea but a combination of more than one idea. Maybe you are stuck on thinking you are more creative or thoughtful than others. This is probably your ego trying to differentiate you from everyone else. We are not all that different from each other.

So,how about seeking some conflict to practise today.

Ask someone how you could improve the way you work with them. Ask a client how you could improve your service to them. Ask a friend what effect your behaviour has on them.

Remember to pause and breathe.

Conflict is good.

Paddy Spruce CSP

 

Call Paddy on 03 9808 8990 or email at paddy@paddyspruce.com.au